


and i just keeping on believing (because i have no choice)

by AshDoesFandom, cheesecakesandlovesquares (AshDoesFandom)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Bottom Marinette, Consensual Sex, Darkfic, Dissociation, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Heavy Subject Matter, Light Dom/sub, Lila Rossi Redemption, Not Beta Read, Offscreen rape, Oneshot, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Rape/Non-con Elements, Top Lila, because who are we kidding, casual conversations during sex, head trigger warnings, i wrote this for the gays, lila centric, might do a sequel, offscreen pedophilia, oh shit i AM the gays, really want to keep writing that dynamic, slowburn, the lilanette agenda, we die like marinette's self esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:20:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25339006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshDoesFandom/pseuds/AshDoesFandom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshDoesFandom/pseuds/cheesecakesandlovesquares
Summary: Gabriel Agreste offers her a deal and that’s when Lila realizes that abuse comes in more shades of grey than she could have possibly imagined.She says yes because she still doesn’t know how to say no to abusers.orThe road to redemption has many paths. This is Lila's.
Relationships: Lila/Others, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Lila Rossi, Marinette Dupain-Cheng/Luka (mentioned/past)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 123





	and i just keeping on believing (because i have no choice)

**Author's Note:**

> oh shit waddup

Lila is 8 years old when she learns what love means.

Her mama is sitting on the kitchen floor, back against their dishwasher. Large tears roll down the woman’s face as she stares blankly off into the distance. The only sounds in the room are the occasional stuttering breath she takes and the humming of the fridge.

Lila watches her.

Eventually, her mama startles as she catches her eye.

“Lila!” she gasps, moving to stand up, but not quite managing. She sits back, hard, on the tiled floor.

Lila pushes away from the doorway, where she had been hiding in, and throws herself in her mama’s lap, hands frantically cupping the woman’s face.

As she thumbs over the bruise, much larger than her tiny hands, her mama winces and gently wraps her fingers around Lila’s wrists.

“Baby, you’re supposed to be in bed,” she says, voice soft.

Lila feels a complicated noise come out of her throat. She buries her head in her mama’s shoulder.

“It was loud,” she mumbles, voice muffled.

A hand comes up to pet her hair.

No more words are uttered that night and Lila slowly finds herself drifting off to sleep, lulled by the security of her mother’s arms and the quiet humming of the air conditioning and fridge.

Her mama lets Papa come home three days later and Lila doesn’t understand. When he’s in the shower, she confronts her Mama with all the indignation and self-righteousness an 8 year old can muster.

“He  _ hurt _ you,” she wails, face streaked with tears, tiny fists balled up.

Mama kneels in front of her, gently wiping her face with calloused hands. “Sometimes good people do bad things,” she says, voice calm. “Love is forgiving them for it.”

As Lila watches her mama and papa laugh over dinner she accepts her mama’s words as truth.

Love is forgiving good people for doing bad things.

* * *

As Lila grows up, she learns more and more to forgive people for doing bad things.

She turns her eyes away from her crying mother and her father’s fists.

She smiles prettily at the nurse and tells her  _ of course Mama fell down the stairs, she’s so clumsy! _

She closes her eyes and presses her hands over her ears at the shouting downstairs.

Lila forgives and forgives and forgives until she’s convinced herself there’s nothing left to forgive.

Then, one night, her bedroom door open and her father walks in.

After that night, she stops forgiving.

* * *

Lila is 14 when she figures out that the truth is unkind.

There’s a new girl at school who has everyone completely charmed and honestly? Lila just doesn’t see it. Sure, Valerie has good enough looks—what with her raven black hair and striking green eyes—but her personality is kinda a dud. Lila is confused as to why all the boys were drooling over her and the girls catering to her every whim.

Whatever. Lila sucks it up and acts nice, only to be shot down cruelly by her classmate. “Sorry, I don’t socialize with your kind,” the girl says, an apologetic smile pasted on.

Lila had stopped short. “What?”

“Oh, you know,” Valerie replies, gesturing vaguely in her direction. “The kind of trash that comes from a broken home.

Her blood runs cold. “What’s that supposed to mean,” she grits out.

Valerie leans in. All of their classmates are watching. “What? You think no one sees what your mom looks like? The clothes she wears? That your dad spends more time in another women’s bed than in his wife’s?” She pauses and eyes Lila up critically for a moment. “Unless, of course, he’s finding comfort in  _ your _ bed—”

Lila lunges.

* * *

Two hours later, she and her mama exit the building.

There’s a pause after they both shut the car doors. Then,

“Lila, what that girl said…”

Lila’s eyes snap to her mama’s face. “I... _ Mama _ of course not,” she laughs shakily, voice annoyingly high pitched. “Papa would  _ never _ —”

“Fuck.”

Lila freezes at the profane word. She’d never heard Mama curse before.

Mama’s head drops onto the steering wheel. “ _ Fuck _ .” The woman starts to sob.

Lila places a hand on her Mama’s shoulder. “Mama,” she says quietly. “It’s alright.”

The woman raises her shocked eyes to meet hers. Lila smiles. “Sometimes love is forgiving people who do bad things to you.”

Her mama wails.

* * *

Lila is 13 when she learns what divorce means.

Lila is 13 years old when she hears the words  _ grooming _ and  _ pedophile _ .

Lila is 13 years old when she learns what therapy is.

Lila is 13 years old when she realizes that they don’t have the money to accept it.

* * *

Lila is a month away from turning 15, only just fluent in French, and learning what it means to have only one parent, when Mama uproots their lives and moves them to Paris.

“It’s a fresh start,” Mama tells her, laying a hand on her daughter’s head and running her finger’s through her hair soothingly. “New city, new us.”

Lila eyes the fading bruises on her Mama’s wrists and doesn’t protest. It wasn’t the first lie that had been told to protect her, and certainly wouldn’t be the last.

“Yes, but why  _ France _ ?” she says, not making eye contact. “There are plenty of cities in Italy. Or  _ Germany _ . Why the one place on earth that has weekly  _ magical  _ terrorist attacks?

Mama laughs. “And here I thought you’d be thrilled to live somewhere here actual superheroes live.”

Lila wants to retort that heroes don’t exist— _ how could they after Lila watched every teacher and friend turn a blind eye to the bruises on her mother’s body? How Lila would flinch every time someone touched her or offered her a high five? _ —but refrains.

“Whatever. Don’t expect me to be sorry when a superpowered teenager plows through our roof because of a purple butterfly.”

Her mama laughs and squeezes her shoulder. “Alright little one. Don’t expect me to be sorry when you come home gushing about a crush on a superpowered teenager.”

“Trust me that  _ won’t _ be happening.”

* * *

Lila is 15 when she realizes that lying can have consequences.

She tells a few innocent white lies, offers a couple of pretty smiles and soon has the entire College eating out of her palm.

_ Good _ , she thinks. The less truth they knew about her the better, so she spins a tale of knowing Paris’ resident superheroine personally and is soon friends with half the class.

It backfires horrifically and Lila finds herself having an anxiety attack in a dark corner when a cold feeling washes over her.

A kindly voice offers her a way out.

Lila welcomes the numbness with a smile.

Ladybug apologizes and Lila, still too raw, turns the bitch dial up to 11 and tells her to fuck off.

Chat Noir looks the embodiment of  _ disappointed, but not surprised. _

Whatever. Fuck him too.

* * *

Lila goes back to class the next day and a busty redhead—Alya, Lila foggily remembers— accosts her on her way to her desk.

“I am so sorry, yesterday must have been  _ awful _ !” she gushes, laying a hand on Lila’s shoulder.

Lila just— _ just _ —resists flinching and gives the girl a smile. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Most of us have been Akumatized,” the girl says. “But none of us have ever had to fight their best friend during it. That must have been horrible.”

There’s a brief lapse where Lila has to mentally catch up and realize that people still believe her about being best friends with Ladybug.

“Oh. Oh! Yes, it was simply horrific! I’m so glad Ladybug and Chat Noir were able to break me out of it! I would have rather died than hurt my best fri—”

Lila stops cold.

A pair of shimmering blue eyes catch her own dark ones. A slim, raven haired slight of a girl slips into classroom quietly. Her skin is paled but freckled around her nose and collarbone. Her small fingers tap nervously against the strap of her pink backpack. She nervously survey’s the room before her gaze rests on Lila’s and Lila—

Feels as if the wind is knocked out of her.

Alya turns to see what she’s looking at and—

“Marinette! You’re not late for once, you go girl!” she says, pumping the air enthusiastically.

The raven haired girl— _ Marinette _ —rolls her eyes and makes her way toward the two of them. “Hi,” she says, pushing her hair behind one ear.

“Dude, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without pigtails,” a dark skinned boy comments, sitting down at a desk in the front of the room.

Marinette chuckles nervously. “It was weird morning,” she says quietly. She and Alya make eye contact and seem to have quick conversation with their eyes.

The redhead nods after a moment, seemingly satisfied. “Marinette, this is Lila. You know, the one who’s Ladybug’s  _ best friend _ .” There seem to be literal stars in Alya’s eyes as she says that.

Marinette raises an eyebrow. “Oh really?” she says, voice suddenly flat.

Lila pauses, unsure. “Since before she was Ladybug, actually,” she says, offering a plastic smile. “We practically grew up together.”

The raven haired girl looks unimpressed.

Lila starts to feel pissed off.

The teacher arrives and class starts before Lila can say anything else.

She spends the entire class period staring at the back of Marinette’s head, confused and angry.

* * *

Lila had once heard that things got worse before they got better.

This was a load of bull because nothing could have possibly been worse than her father and things still weren’t getting better.

She convinces her mother to pull her out of school for while under the white lie that the school was closed due to Akuma attacks.

She gets her shit under control—panic attacks and all—and slowly musters up the courage to go back.

School is easy. Everyone is seemingly convinced that she’s the second coming of Christ or Ladybug or some shit, so she’s not starving for friends certainly.

Marinette is getting on her nerves.

Marinette is the only one who sees past her lies. (Well, except Adrien, but the blond haired model doesn’t have the backbone to do anything.)

Marinette actually calls her out of her shit which is both annoying and strange. Lila escalates and Marinette escalates, and it all ends with Lila threatening to take all of her friends away from her if she doesn’t comply.

“We’ll see about that,” the raven haired snit says, smiling up at her before calmly walking away.

Lila is confused.

* * *

Hawkmoth offers revenge.

Lila takes it because she’s never had the opportunity.

Hawkmoth offers protection.

Lila greedily soaks up the feeling.

Hawkmoth offers numbness.

And that’s when Lila realizes she’s an addict.

Gabriel Agreste offers her a deal and that’s when Lila realizes that abuse comes in more shades of grey than she could have possibly imagined.

She says yes because she still doesn’t know how to say no to abusers.

* * *

Lila is 17 when discovers Ladybug’s identity.

It’s after a fucking Akuma attack that  _ she  _ caused of all things. The Miraculous Ladybug cure has just swept over the wreckage of the city and Lila is making her way from the scene of the crime— much like Ladybug and Chat Noir already have—when she ducks into an alley just in time to see a flash of red and a highly shocked Marinette Dupain-Cheng make eye contact with her.

_ What the fuck. _

Normally Lila would be thrilled by the knowledge. It’s wonderful irony and there’s about a thousand things Lila can do with this information from blackmailing Marinette herself to turning her over to her arch nemesis. 

And of course the blue eyed heroine just has to ruin it by slipping against the uneven concrete and braining her head like a fucking idiot against the brick wall.

The numbness fades away to screeching horrific reality.

This is finding her mama with bruises.

This is finding the divorce papers on Papa’s desk three days after the incident at school.

This is realizing she’s the cause of her parents’ separation and her father’s arrest.

It’s a single moment of reality that slaps her in the face and grounds her in her body until she finds a way to be numb again.

But this time there’s no butterflies in sight.

Lila kneels by the raven haired girl’s body and gently turns her head to the side.

Blood  _ gushes _ all over her hands.

“Oh god.” She frantically rips off her designer jacket, balls it up and gently presses it against Marinette’s head.

The injured girl’s eyes twitch slightly as she lets out a moan.

Lila presses her jacket against the headwound harder while unsteadily pulling her phone out of her back pocket and dialing  _ 112 _ with her free hand.

There’s still a part of her, a venomous one that’s usually in the forefront of her mind when the numbness leaves, that hisses at her to leave Marinette to bleed out alone in the alley.

The tiny part of her--the one that insists the numbness is  _ safe _ and still misses her papa  _ and is making her fucking hands shake _ \--urges her to press down on the wound harder and keep her voice steady as she relays her location to the operator on the other line.

Head wounds are clearly the drama queens of injury because when Lila pulls her hand away slightly to view the bleeding, more blood than Lila could comprehend being in your  _ head _ gushes out all over the pavement and Lila’s new jeans.

“Shit shit  _ shit _ ,” Lila hisses, as she hangs up a few minutes later and drags Marinette’s head onto her lap for better access. “You can’t even give  _ me _ the satisfaction of being the one to take you out? You had to run into a brick wall? This is why you can’t keep any friends Dupain-Cheng, you’re such a moron.”

Marinette says nothing, obviously. A few stuttering breathes make their way out of her blue tinged

lips. 

That’s the moment where Lila decides that blue is her  _ least  _ favorite color.

“It wasn’t supposed to go this way,” she whispers to the cracked, bloodstained pavement. “It just… it wasn’t supposed to  _ go this way _ .” 

Marinette twitches slightly and then goes still. Lila doesn’t check to see if she’s still breathing because she knows she’s not.

“Fuck.  _ Fuck. _ ” Lila shuts her eyes tightly and grits her teeth, listening to the sounds of sirens in the distance. “I hate you. I fucking  _ hate _ you. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen!”

Flashes of blue and red lit up the dim alleyway. Lila clutches the corpse-like body to her as it swarms with paramedics and cops.

A kindly woman with greying red hair and lines around her eyes kneels in front of her. “Hi sweetie,” she says, voice gratingly kind. She puts a gentle hand on Lila’s forearm. “Can I see her?”

Lila relinquishes her grip on the dark haired girl and moves back. It’s with shaking hands and a numb mind that she watches the girl being loaded onto a gunnery and into the back of the ambulance.

In the corner of her eye, she sees it. A single, black, purple tinted butterfly hovering by her shoulder.

Lila swallows.

* * *

Marinette wakes up to a dimly lit room and the steady sound of beeping in the background. A quick, but groggy survey of her surroundings alerts her to the fact that she’s in a hospital. Her mother sits in a chair next to her bed, fast asleep, head resting on her elbows which lie near Marinette’s feet.

The events of the day begin cycling through her head like flashbulb memories.

There had been a History Test Marinette had stayed up all night studying for and then there had been an Akuma that morning. Somewhere between the lengthy battle and the aftermath, Marinette had started to lose coherency because of her exhaustion. Immediately after purifying the butterfly, Chat Noir had laid a sympathetic hand on her shoulder before telling her that he’d take care of the aftermath and  _ please go get some rest Bugaboo _ .

She hadn’t protested and immediately swung to the nearest hiding place she could find to detransform and call a friend or her mother to come pick her up.

Unfortunately, she had not gotten the chance, Marinette remembered in horror, as she recalled Lila stumbling upon her and Marinette slipping in surprise on the uneven pavement.

_ Oh god. _

Lila knew.

“Well fuck,” she whispers to the empty room.

“That was pretty much my reaction,” a dry voice intones, scaring the shit of Marinette.

Lila Rossli, the object of Marinette’s current terror, leans back nonchalantly in a dark corner near Marinette’s hospital bed. She isn’t even looking at the bluenette girl, instead resting her gaze at something outside the window that Marinette can’t see.

Marinette clenches the sheets in one hand. “Okay. You know. Okay.  _ Shit _ .”

Lila turns her head and stares at Marinette head on, her long tresses bouncing at the movement. “Chill out, I’m not going to tell.”

“Like hell you aren’t,” Marinette hisses. She attempts to sit up, but ends up flopping back down with a gasp at the sudden vertigo that comes over her.

Lila is at her side in an instant. “You have head trauma, dumbass!” she snaps out, through gritted teeth.

Marinette makes a shushing sound and sharply gestures to her mother, who stirs slightly at the noise.

After they’re both sure the woman isn’t going to wake up, Lila turns back to Marinette, hands hovering cautiously, unsure whether or not to touch.

“I know you don’t believe me right now,” she says, voice calm and quiet. “But I’m  _ not _ going to tell Hawkmoth.”

“You have every reason to.” Marinette’s eyes narrow.

“Not anymore.”

“I don’t follow.”

Lila’s hands clench into fists for a moment before she sighs. All the tension drains out of her body. She sits on the bed, on the other side of Marinette—so not to wake Sabine—and folds her slim hands in her lap.

“If you had been anyone else, I would have told. Or left you in the alley.”

“Yeah, that really makes me want to trust you Lila.” Marinette rolls her eyes, wincing when the action makes stars appear in her vision.

“Stop doing that,” Lila says, reaching out and tapping Marinette on the side of the head—not hard enough to hurt, but enough to annoy. “I’m not going to tell because…because you’re my way out.”

Marinette stares at her for a long moment. “You’re going to have to explain that.”

Lila takes in a deep breath. “I didn’t realize it until today but. I don’t want to work for Hawkmoth anymore.”

It was like a game of twenty questions where every question was the same fucking question, Marinette thinks with annoyance.

“You’re going to have to explain  _ that _ .”

“Hawkmoth Akumatized me after I found you.” Lila’s hands clench her blood stained

— _ Marinette’s blood, she realizes _ —jeans. “And I decided—” her breath hitches “—I don’t want to be part of his… _ anything  _ anymore.”

It’s in this moment Marinette suddenly realizes just how awful Lila looks. The tan skinned girl is unusually pale. Her hair, usually tied back in perfectly flowing locks, falls limply around her shoulders. Her eyes are bloodshot and red rimmed and she’s holding herself very carefully.

She’s also shaking.

Marinette instinctually reaches out and takes one of her hands. Lila startles, looking as surprised as Marinette at the gesture, but after a brief moment, allows their fingers to be intertwined.

“I don’t trust you,” Marinette says, honestly.

Lila nods, not looking surprised. “What can I do to convince you.”

Marinette pauses at that. Until this moment, she’s branded Lila as Not a Good Person and Hawkmoth’s lackey, so thinking about her outside that context is…confusing. This dynamic—a dynamic where Lila is honest and apologetic—is completely new to her and she doesn’t know how she can grow to trust it.

It could be a trap. It certainly feels like one. But Marinette is too dizzy and tired to voice any of these thoughts.

Lila’s hand is a cool presence in her own. Marinette tightens her grip.

“Stay.”

Lila stays.

* * *

Lila keeps staying. She shadows her at school. Sits with her at lunch. Walks her home. Rinse and repeat, does it the next day.

There are questioning eyes from their classmates. It’s been no secret that Marinette hates the girl and Lila had started to finally ignore her a few months ago—after Adrien and Nino had started dating, breaking up the boy rivalry the two girls had harbored.

Lila doesn’t say anything. She ignores the questioning looks and Marinette’s increasingly annoyed ones and studiously takes notes during class and texts someone during lunch as an excuse not to talk and avoids conversation like the plague.

Marinette has tolerance for it for about two weeks. Then, on the way home from school, she finally snaps.

“I know I said  _ stay _ , but if you’re trying to convince me we’re on the same side, maybe don’t  _ ignore _ me.” Marinette regrets the harshness of the words the minute they come out of her mouth, but stands by the sentiment.

Lila freezes.

Then,

“What do you want me to say.”

“An explanation would be nice.”

Lila looks like she’s about to bolt, so Marinette rephrases her words. “Just—come on Lila, I want to trust you, but I don’t even know  _ why _ you’re being nice to me right now.”

“I was tired of feeling numb.”

Marinette frowns in confusion. She takes a step closer to the taller girl.

“When Hawkmoth Akumatizes me…I feel numb.” Lila stares down at the pavement. “And at first I wanted it, I wanted to feel numb, for all of it to go away. The pain, the anger, the sadness, but now…now I just. Maybe I want to feel something.”

Lila lifts her chin up. Looks Marinette in the eye. “I want to feel something  _ good _ .”

Marinette feels her chest ache. She reaches out and takes the girl’s hand, just as she had in the hospital room. “Okay.”

Lila’s brow furrows. “Okay?” she repeats, dumbly.

Marinette tries to offer a smile, but it comes out as a sad, twisted parody of one. “I know what it feels like to want everything to go away.” Her mind immediately casts itself to the months after

Master Fu was gone and Marinette was all alone. “Let’s make you feel something good.”

There are tears in Lila’s eyes that she refuses to let fall. Her hand tightens around Marinette’s.

“Okay.”

* * *

Lila is 17 when she realizes she’s not alone. Marinette takes her hand and then takes her home.

Her mornings begin with a sleepy, grumpy Marinette she picks up on the way to school and they end in sleepy, amused conversations over the phone in bed.

She feels safe.

* * *

Lila is 18 when she realizes that she can be a hero. Marinette gives her a Miraculous and they save Chat Noir.

Gabriel Agreste and Hawkmoth are one in the same and Adrien has a meltdown that results in him being admitted to a mental ward for 3 months before he moves in with Nino. Lila’s not there for any of it, but she keeps tabs on him through Alya and her girlfriend, Kagami.

Lila feels helpless.

Lila is 19 when she learns what love means. 

She and Marinette are lying on her bed, arguing about something ridiculous—Vogue’s latest issue or something—when the blue eyed girl suddenly leans over and presses a pair of lips to her own.

Lila freezes. And pulls away. “What.”

Marinette laughs, unsurely. “Sorry. I just…realized that I trust you.”

There’s a pause. “Oh. So you kissed me?”

“Oh shit, I should have asked,” Marinette suddenly realizes, looking upset. “I mean, Mother always told me that love is trust—so I just— when I realized that I loved you just now—Sorry, if you don’t want to we don’t have—”

Lila leans in and steals the girl’s words with her lips. The room is quiet as the two explore each other’s mouths with gentle strokes and wet tongues.

Then, 

“You’re wrong,” Lila says, pulling away. “Love isn’t trust.”

Marinette raises an eyebrow. “Oh really, now?”

“It’s forgiveness,” Lila hears herself say distantly.

Marinette leans forward and brushes her mouth against hers again. “Hey, stay with me.”

Lila smiles. “Like  _ here _ here?”

“Or  _ here _ ,” Marinette says opening her legs slightly in invitation.

The Italian girl lets out an unattractive snort but obediently slides her body between Marinette’s slender legs.

Marinette rests her head back against her pillows, raven hair fanned out. Lila takes a moment to admire the lithe body beneath her, slight and soft. As she leaned in again to press her lips to Marinette’s—tongue forcing it’s way into her mouth more dominantly this time—she allows a hand to cup one of her small, but full breasts in one hand.

The girl beneath her makes a pleased sound and arches her chest up into Lila’s hand. “You’re wrong though,” she says, when Lila pulls away from air.

Lila’s hands slide down to the fly of Marinette’s jeans and make quick work there. “Am I,” she calmly intones, slowly inching the zipper down.

Marinette twitches slightly under her. “Yes. If love was forgiveness than we’d keep getting screwed over.”

Lila’s hands pause. Then, “What makes you think we haven’t.” She pulled Marinette’s jeans down to her ankles in one swift motion.

The raven haired girl pauses in their conversation long enough to kick the jeans the rest of the way off her body.

“I mean, we’re both here,” Marinette says, settling back against the pillows.

Lila rests her hands on her best friend’s hips, fingering the lacy pink undergarment she finds there. “Didn’t think you were a  _ thong _ girl, Marinette.”

Marinette grins. “I am when I’m feeling lucky.”

“Hmm,” Lila hums, leaning down and breathing hotly over the part of Marinette currently entrapped in pink lace.

Marinette makes a breathy noise. “Are you gonna—”

“Of course  _ I’m gonna _ , what, you thought I took of your pants for kicks?” Lila rolls her eyes. “Relax.”

“I  _ am _ relaxed.”

Lila thumbs across her clothed slit and Marinette makes a high pitched noise. “Yeah, you sound relaxed.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“We both knew that though,” Lila says, thumbing the lacy thong to the side. “Do you want my fingers or my mouth?”

Marinette’s eyes grow wide at the question. “I…uh.”

“It’s not that hard of a question, Marinette.”

“I know, I just. I’ve never done this with a girl?”

Lila stares at her. “You’re a virgin?”

“I’ve done it with  _ guys _ ,” Marinette says, scowling. “I just haven’t ever done this with a girl before.”

“But you’ve had guys go down on you.”

“Luka wasn’t really into that.”

Lila rolls her eyes. Hard. “Protip, never fuck a guy again. Actually, I’m going to rock your world so hard I’m going to  _ ruin _ guys for you.”

Marinette laughs so Lila boldly leans down and licks her. The laugh turns into a choked sound that slowly turns into a moan as Lila licks her again and again and again, as tortuously slow was possible.

“ _ Lila _ ,” Mari gasps, one hand finding it’s way into Lila’s long tresses. She tugs, lightly and ineffectually. Lila hums against her, smiling when the smaller girl lets out a cry. She pushes Marinette’s legs apart as wide as possible, one finger still hooked in the thong pull the piece of fabric taut against the crack of Mari’s ass, and then leans in again.

And then slides her tongue  _ inside _ .

Lila immediately decides that both Adrien and Luka were fucking fools for not trying to keep Marinette. 

The girl she’s currently inside makes sighing moans as Lila starts to fuck her tongue in and out  _ slowly _ .

Lila doesn’t know how long Marinette lasts, because the entire experience seems to last  _ forever _ .

It’s the opposite of numbness—it’s clarity, it’s grounding.

It’s fucking hot.

All Lila knows is that one minute she’s sliding her tongue as deep inside Marinette as she can and the next moment her walls are clenching and she’s crying out, back arching away from the bed.

Lila catches Marinette’s  _ wet _ in her mouth and drinks it, certain that Marinette is watching.

She lets go of the thong, letting it  _ snap _ back into place, eliciting a sharp gasp from the other girl, and sits up.

Marinette looks gloriously  _ wrecked _ .

Lila settles between her legs, resting her head somewhere between Marinette’s neck and chest.

“Okay, if love isn’t forgiveness, what do you call this?” she asks quietly.

Marinette doesn’t reply for a moment. She’s still breathing hard beneath Lila and shaking every once in a while.

“This isn’t forgiveness, it’s redemption,” she says, at last. “And if love wasn’t trust, then I wouldn’t have let you do that.”

Lila supposes that Marinette has a point, so she lets the argument go.

Maybe love is forgiveness, maybe it  _ is _ trust. Either way, she gets the girl in the end.

“Hey,” Marinette says sleepily, a few moments later.

“Hmm?”

“I feel happy, I think.”

Lila pauses. And then realizes.

Lila is 19 years old when she feels something other than sadness or numbness. She tells the girl she’s falling in love with as much and is rewarded with a blinding smile.

That also feels pretty good.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah this piece of shit is back up. let me know if you want a smutty sequel or whatever fam


End file.
